Why Your Triggers are Actually Your Greatest Teachers (And Most People Never Realize This)

I write a lot about self-awareness and its important part in fostering successful and aligned partnerships. By understanding your own values, purpose, strengths, and weaknesses, you gain a deep insight into those aspects of a relationship that are important for you and are crucial for your happiness and success.

In this post, I would like to delve deeper into the energetic aspect of conflicts - specifically, triggers that initiate our conflicts.

Triggers are significant because they directly impact your energetic state, decision-making, and overall effectiveness.

What triggered this post?

I just finished a conversation with one of my children that left me overwhelmed with emotion. I typically keep my feelings private—sharing them only with those closest to me. Recent events, however, have cast a lingering shadow over my life.

A few months ago, my long-time partner decided to end our relationship and cut all contact. While I wasn't aware of everything that transpired, I maintained a simple explanation: we weren't right for each other. Then, three weeks ago, she took her own life. This devastating loss sent shockwaves through our community, and in the aftermath of grief, rumors began to circulate.

Today, during an intimate conversation with one of my children, I found myself facing a barrage of judgments and unfounded accusations about these events. Though I chose not to disclose certain sensitive details to protect our family's privacy, I felt helpless as distorted truths and assumptions crashed over me like waves.

After ending our conversation, I turned inward to reflect. What had triggered such intense anger within me? What could this reaction teach me about myself and the complexities of our situation?

This moment became more than just an emotional upheaval—it became an opportunity for deeper understanding, as I searched for meaning in the pain, the half-truths, and my own responses to these unprecedented circumstances.

What Are Triggers?

Triggers are external or internal stimuli that provoke an automatic emotional or energetic response. These responses often lower your energy level and shift you into a reactive state. Triggers can include:

• A specific situation (e.g., conflict at work).

• A person’s behavior (e.g., criticism or tone of voice).

• Internal thoughts or memories (e.g., fear of failure or past trauma).

Triggers are closely tied to your energetic levels (ranging from catabolic [low-energy] to anabolic [high-energy] states) and often pull you into lower levels of energy, such as victimhood, conflict, or resistance. (more about energy level are in this blog post)

What Sets Up Triggers?

Triggers are set up by underlying beliefs, experiences, and perceptions that we have developed over time. These often include:

1. Energy blockers (GAILs): Gremlins (inner critics), Assumptions, Interpretations, and Limiting Beliefs (More about GAILs are in an upcoming post).

2. Unresolved Emotional Baggage: Past experiences or traumas that were never fully processed.

3. Conditioning: Cultural, familial, or societal norms that shape how we react to certain situations.

4. Unmet Needs: When core emotional needs (e.g., safety, respect, validation) are not fulfilled, it makes us more susceptible to being triggered.

Why Are We Getting Triggered?

We get triggered when our core values are violated or challenged. Understanding this connection between triggers and values helps explain why certain situations affect us so deeply:

1. Value Misalignment: When someone's actions or words contradict our fundamental values (e.g., honesty, respect, fairness), it creates internal tension.

2. Threatened Values: Situations that put our core values at risk (e.g., integrity being questioned, autonomy being restricted) often trigger strong emotional responses.

3. Value Conflicts: When we're forced to choose between competing values (e.g., loyalty vs. honesty), it can create internal turmoil and trigger stress responses.

4. Value Invalidation: When others dismiss or belittle our values, it can feel like a personal attack, triggering defensive reactions.

Recognizing which values are being challenged when we get triggered can help us respond more consciously and protect what truly matters to us while staying in a higher energetic state.

When thinking about conflicts you had, can you resonate with this concept? Please share in the comment - what triggers you? Can you identify the core values that are being violated?

What Happens When We Are Triggered?

When triggered:

1. Energetic Shift: You drop into lower levels of energy (Level 1: Victimhood or Level 2: Conflict in iPEC’s Energy Leadership framework).

2. Emotional Reaction: Feelings like anger, frustration, sadness, or anxiety arise.

3. Physical Response: Your body may experience tension, increased heart rate, or shallow breathing.

4. Behavioral Reaction: You may lash out, withdraw, or act impulsively without reflection.

This reactive state often leads to decisions and actions that do not align with your higher self or long-term goals.

The Mirror Principle: Triggers as Self-Reflection

One of the most profound insights about triggers is that they often reveal aspects of ourselves that we haven't fully accepted or acknowledged. When someone's behavior triggers a strong emotional response in us, it's frequently because it mirrors a trait or tendency we possess but haven't come to terms with.

1. Shadow Self: The behaviors that irritate us most in others are often traits we unconsciously recognize in ourselves but prefer not to acknowledge.

2. Projection: We may project our own insecurities, fears, or undesirable qualities onto others, making their display of these traits particularly triggering.

3. Growth Opportunity: Each trigger can serve as an invitation to examine what aspects of ourselves we might be avoiding or judging harshly.

This understanding transforms triggers from purely negative experiences into opportunities for deeper self-awareness and personal growth. When we find ourselves strongly reactive to someone's behavior, we can pause and ask: "What aspect of myself might this be reflecting?"

For example, if we're triggered by someone's need for control, it might be worth examining our own controlling tendencies. If we're irritated by someone's vulnerability, we might explore our own relationship with showing weakness.

For many, this concept raises immediate resistance - It is impossible that I am like that! However, when entertaining this thought with brutal honesty and courage, you may discover aspects of yourself you have never noticed and you probably want to change.

I am curious to know what your thoughts are about it. Please, give it a moment, and share your experience in the comments.