What to Do as a Leader When You Don’t Click with a Team Member

Motty Chen
Jun 8
3 min read

We have all been there! That one person in our team whom we simply don't like. It’s completely normal not to click with every member of your team. In any group, there's bound to be someone who just rubs you the wrong way, whether it's their habit, style, or simply an inexplicable gut feeling. The key is not to let that negative bias spiral out of control.

The Bias Loop: How It All Feeds On Itself

When you find yourself disliking someone, it’s easy to fall into a trap. You might start seeing only the faults in what they do, so much so that even neutral actions seem to confirm your suspicions. What’s more, your bias doesn’t go unnoticed; people around you pick up on it. They might even tell you what they think you want to hear, inadvertently reinforcing that negative image. Before you know it, the person you’re clashing with is pegged as “the problem,” and their every move is judged through that filter.

Digging Deep: Why Do You Really Dislike Them?

Sometimes the issue isn’t as much about the other person as it is about you. It might be that the traits or behaviors in them trigger something you don’t like in yourself. This is a moment for honest self-reflection. Ask yourself, “How does this behavior show up in me?” By exploring this, you might uncover a part of you that’s uncomfortable or in need of change. Recognizing this can be the first step toward handling the situation more constructively.

Taking Courageous Steps to Build Trust

Being a leader means supporting everyone on your team, even those you don’t naturally vibe with. Here are some actionable methods to address your bias and build trust, turning what feels like a negative into an opportunity for growth:

Start Fresh: Give yourself permission to see the team member without your bias. Challenge yourself to approach them with a neutral perspective.
One-on-One Conversations: Set up a casual meeting to understand their motivations, strengths, and work style. Sometimes, a relaxed chat can break down preconceived notions.
Acknowledge Their Strengths: Instead of focusing on what they lack, identify what they do well. Reflect on how their unique strengths can contribute to the team’s overall success.
Encourage and Empower: Often, a team member who feels sidelined or misunderstood ends up demotivated. Show support through consistent encouragement, set clear goals, and celebrate even the small wins.
Seek Common Ground: Find projects or tasks where their skills naturally shine. This helps align their work with team objectives in a way that respects their individuality while meeting your expectations.

Embrace Different Approaches to Achieve the Same Outcomes

It’s important to remember that there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to getting results. If a team member’s way of doing things isn’t the method you expected, consider the possibility that there are multiple paths to success. By leveraging their natural talents, you might discover innovative ways to achieve your goals. Sometimes, this means stepping back and allowing the team member room to operate in their own style—after all, flexibility is one of the greatest strengths a leader can offer.

Creative Methods to Shift the Dynamic

If traditional approaches aren’t working, consider some creative alternatives:

Peer Mentoring or Buddy Systems: Pair up the team member with someone whose approach you admire. This can create a natural exchange of ideas and foster mutual understanding.
Feedback Circles: Organize regular sessions where team members can give and receive constructive feedback. Sometimes hearing the same insight from multiple people helps to break internal biases.
Team Projects: Engage the entire team in projects that require collaboration. When the focus is shifted to group success, individual friction can often diminish.

Knowing When It’s Time to Make a Change

Despite your best efforts, there might come a time when you just can’t shake the negative feelings. As uncomfortable as that realization might be, it’s essential to consider the overall health of your team. If you’ve tried every constructive method and the dynamic just isn’t improving, it might be time to explore alternatives. This could mean finding a role or environment where the team member’s strengths are better aligned with their responsibilities, ensuring everyone can work in a space that’s conducive to success.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, leadership isn’t about liking everyone; it’s about guiding your team to perform at their best. By addressing your biases with courage and self-awareness, you not only create a more supportive environment but also pave the way for your team to thrive. Remember, sometimes the most challenging relationships can lead to the most meaningful growth, both for you and for those you lead.

Keep empowering, keep reflecting, and always strive to bring out the best in everyone, even if it means fighting your own gut feelings and exploring new ways.